Realitzations during the art history exam. by Ismael.

This is a bunch of mixed ideas I wrote for no reason instead of completing my art history exam which took place at the beggining of the year. It doesn't make special sense in the sense of an organized composition which a tesis is defended.

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I'm filing this paper with meaningless content, this papet was suposed to be used in an awefull art history exam, instead of that, I've given it the chance to be something else. The word that cannot save me... Words are nothing else but sounds that represent real things or suposed to be real.

Any lie that we say about our understanding of reality is pure fiction, this exam I'm suposed to pass is also a fiction. My life has become a fiction that cannot go on. It's not like those shows, the show doesn't always have to go on. I'm not the only one who lives a fiction, but I may be the only one over here who realized this.

That's the diference that makes me become the real unhappy. Why? I'm not happy because I cannot put up with this lie when they're not happy because they cannot have the life that oficcially is the best, full of meaningless belongings, an easy life, their lie that and mine are the same, But I'm the one who wants to get rid of it.

Why to become a philosophy teacher when what I really want is to live philosophy? I should get out of this place and not come back anymore. Running away from somewhere sometimes is the most beautiful of the strikes, an strike that makes you stronger. To give up on all they made so your life is peaceful. Easy lives are lives that existed and exist to be nothing. Claiming that running away from that you are suposed to put up with is a manipulating idea. Running away from the ways of dominion is the breavest of all things.  Could you imagine a lamb that runs away from the farm? How could you ever say that's not brave?

I'm here waiting for something scary to happen, but the very fact of the possibility that that scary thing does not happen is the scariest thing of all.

Who is going to give me back all this wasted time among four walls? Could we ever say that our happiest time in life is this? or is not this the reason so the rest of our lives are unhappy later on? They will claim that I live in a kind of strange alternative fiction, that life is not what I think it is, and they may be right, because they make life be the way it is, always so full of false needs that do not exist, always with that insane poetry that took us to insanity for so long ago.

I'm suposed to pass this exam but do I really want to go on? or Did I become Turin's horse? I wish life encourages me to destroy myself, life keeps me in the midle of fear, I still want to get rid of all this that is killing me so softly, like a poison that poisons you and makes you get yonky. You need that that makes you die because you really think you need it.

All my partners were scared before starting the exam, They'll be happy or sad according to the marks they will have gotten latter. but... Do they really want this?

OOhhh Tell me Yawheh How can I really finish with this existence to be born again within myself out of the mediocrity of these manners.